Tag Archives: birkenstocks

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BirkenSTOP: Putting an end to a horrible trend, one pair at a time.

When does ASAP Rocky say anything about “She got a lotta Prada, that Dolce & Gabanna, Birkenstocks I can’t forget Escada, and that Balenciaga”?

The answer? He doesn’t.

Birkenstocks. Why does everyone love them? I’ve concluded that it’s a science… a psychological idea that generates an understanding and a sympathy towards these hideous shoes. It’s like bulldogs, they’re so ugly that we think they’re cute. Not that I think bulldogs are ugly, but maybe its the psychological thing that is in effect, the same way that it is with Birkenstocks.

On the other hand though, why would you surrender precious money to shoes that age you (by a good 95 years) and don’t look good with anything (no matter how much you convince yourself that they do)

“I got them because they are soooo comfortable!”

Lies.

Breaking in Birkenstocks is almost as hard as breaking in Dr. Martens in the 90’s before they made them that slight bit more comfortable. Have you ever heard of the saying “Beauty is pain? If you really want “comfortable shoes” wear sneakers, or Havianas or nicely detailed sandals… not Birkenstocks!

In the event that you “Absolutely looooove” Birkenstocks and are  “Supes excited that they’re back” you need to ask yourself

1. Do you normally have good taste?

2. Do you live near the beach?

3. Are you Lara Bingle?

4. Are you Alexa Chung?

5. Are you an Olsen Twin?

If you’ve answered no to one or more of these questions, get the ‘Birkenstock’ idea out of your head.

Now, I’m ranting, and honestly I don’t really care. My hate for these shoes run deeper than my hate for fluoro yellow anything and liquorice.

What type of a fashion blogger, or a writer in general would I be if I couldn’t hate on things or express my annoyances in a way that provokes thought and emotions from my readers?  I would rather that my readers have passionate feelings towards one of my posts, even if it’s hate, because that’s when you know that your voice is being heard and that your words have been able to influence the emotions of others.

May I just point out as well that Birkenstocks look a hell of a lot better in photos then they do on someone who is wearing them. Also, do you have a perfect pedicure? because if not, Birkenstocks will make you look like you’ve spent money to become the troll who lives under a bridge.

Birkenstocks are also orthopedic shoes. Which is nothing wrong for the people who actually need orthopedic shoes! Hipsters are selling out Birkenstocks and leaving my Nonna with nothing to wear!

You kids have no consideration for others.

I’ve decided that we need to fade out the Birkenstock, Here’s the plan

1. We wear everything but Birkenstocks

2. We show our fellow Birkenstock wearers other footwear alternatives, such as

Image

So here is the ultimate middle finger to you Birkenstock wearing Fashion Killas out there, you are literally killing fashion.

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