1. I spent all my money on clothes. I look fresh, but I’m starving
You know the saying “the struggle is real”? that term was probably coined by one of these Melbourne men. They’ll happily splurge on that unnecessary fifth Tommy Hilfiger shirt in that hideous colour that they’ll never wear; and their wardrobe is probably a lot more impressive than yours is, but unless their eating a home cooked meal, they’re probably starving (maybe that’s how they fit into their super skinny chinos?)
2. I spent all my money on my car and now I look like I just got out of bed
(and they’re not even wearing Peter Alexander pyjamas) ?
3. I drink organic coffee and talk about indie music all day
Have you ever read a book and imagined that perfect, cultured man with the flannel shirt and skinny jeans, who most likely plays guitar and can recite passages from literary classics while serenading the main character who you can totally relate to?
Well Melbourne is full of them and you can find your own at indie cafes, book stores, and the next Rubens gig.
4. Mum and Dad sent me to a private school and now I intern at a law firm (did you notice my Rolex as I told you that?)
These guys are all about polo shirts, knitted jumpers and Daniel Wellington watches (when they get tired of looking down on their dad’s old Rolex)
These guys are so preppy it’s like they’ve stolen directly from Nate Archibald’s costume wardrobe and didn’t think we’d notice.
5. I go to Rats every weekend and only shop at General Pants
Everyone loves a good banger but not quite as much as these guys do. In case you weren’t sure, STUSSY for them is like a drug and they won’t make out with anyone who isn’t wearing matching Adidas Superstars.